Women are really good at this but really bad at that

After coaching women business owners over the past three years, I’ve come to realize that as women, we are naturally good at the interaction and really bad at the transaction.

Connecting over a cup of coffee? NO problem!
Quoting our services proudly and confidently? Suddenly we get all squirmy.

The other day Chris and I were on the phone with a woman who was selling us her services and we were ready to buy. We were near the end of the call when I realized she never quoted us her price. When I asked her what people pay her for her service, she must have thought I said “how” because she went on about paypal, credit card, etc.

Here she was about to get off the phone with very interested prospects without ever telling us what her service would cost.

So why is it that as women, we have such a hard time asking for the money? I have three theories:

1. Low self-esteem
2. Taught to cooperate, not compete
3. Our view of sales

I’m going to tackle these separately over the next couple of weeks because, as you can imagine, I have a lot to say about each of these. ;-).

LOW SELF- ESTEEM

When it comes to low self-esteem, it’s not like women have the market on this. There are plenty of men that have low self-esteem. But when it comes to business, women – more than men – get completely stuck because of a low “deserve” level. It tends to show up in three areas:

• I don’t know enough…
• I’m not worthy enough…
• I can’t handle it…

Looking at these statements, realize that they all can be completed with “compared to…” And this is a BIG problem for women.

For centuries women have had to compete with each other for survival. (The most attractive and fertile were almost guaranteed a mate and protector.) Now that the threat for physical survival has passed – at least in our part of the world – it doesn’t mean that the psychological threat has lost its grip on us.

And while we may be unconscious to this need to be the prettiest, best, productive, etc. it still runs our behavior. Thus, our constant comparing ourselves to other women always leaves us feeling “less than”.

So of course we don’t feel like we are enough because we’re likely measuring ourselves against impossibly high standards.

If you find yourself doubting your skills, knowledge, service/product, etc. there is likely nothing wrong with them, just your view of them.

Here’s what has helped me recently:

• I have a body, I am not my body
• God gave me this body for a reason
• I am unique, in that not one other person in this world has my unique blend of experience, wisdom, humor, talent, and insight so God must have given me this and want me to do something with it!
• I may not know everything, but I know a lot more about what I do than my prospect.
• To every 3rd grader, a 4th grader is a god.
• Every mistake I make is a lesson to be learned, and then taught to others. Therefore, nothing is really a mistake.
• I can only see the beauty, intelligence, competence in another woman if it exists somewhere in me. (Because we see the world, not as IT is, but as WE are!)

If low self-esteem is impacting your business or life, I would encourage you to really give these thoughts some serious consideration.

Next time, we’ll discuss the Cooperation vs. Competition challenge we face as women!