Q: Will your Think Pink program produce quantum leap results – if I put EVERYTHING you say into action? I have participated in programs like this before (not necessarily through you) – but I am hesitant to spend my money on another program and not see the results. I admit I get overwhelmed and frustrated with coaching programs – but I am also sick of being in the same place in my business year after year after year. Something has to change. Will this program be life changing and career changing? ~Nina

A: I understand exactly where you’re coming from as I have participated in every seminar and training program ever created. Okay, not really but sometimes it sure seems like that.

If you were to apply everything we told you to do in this program – yes, it would be life changing. But so would every other program – if you applied everything you were told. See the irony?

It’s never the program, or training or coaching, it’s the implementation. And consistent implementation (which comes down to self-management) is one of the most difficult things in life to do. That’s why so few people ever achieve the high levels of success in ANY undertaking.

That doesn’t mean we won’t have the natural ebb and flows in our business. Energy, commitment, enthusiasm, all seem to come and go. What it does mean is that you will have to put accountability in place to STOP you from sabotaging yourself when you start to backslide.

We built three, 1:1 calls into our Think Pink program (https://www.insightspps.com/coachingprogram) to help you address this issue. We can support you and hold you accountable during those calls. You then may find that you need additional private coaching after that. That is what I would recommend next for you.

Nina, you know enough. Now it’s time to do it!!

A while back, I was at a local networking event and met a dynamic and energetic woman. We’ll call her Gidget. As soon as the initial pleasantries were exchanged, we discovered our mutual love for the DISC tool and started to share all our experiences using the tool to make sense of people’s behavior.

We spoke for the longest time and at the end of the evening, she stood out as one of my favorite people from the night.

It’s no wonder that I bonded with someone I had so much in common with. Tony Robbins has this to say in his book Unlimited Power:

“Take any relationship between any two people, and you’ll find the first thing that created their bond was something they had in common.”

He goes on to dispute the notion that “opposites attract” by pointing out that we rarely gravitate towards people who think very differently than us on a lot of subjects. We would almost never say, “That guy is great. We see nothing the same and he challenges most everything I say.”

So similarity or commonality seems to be a part of the foundation of relationships. Want to know what can rock that foundation?

Begin to focus on differences.

Over the years, I’ve realized that whenever a relationship of mine started to deteriorate, it was mainly because I shifted from focusing on someone’s great qualities to somehow focusing on their bad qualities (or how they were different from me).

I now believe there is no faster way to kill a relationship than to notice and then focus on someone’s foibles and shortcomings.

Because remember the principle; what you focus on expands. Their faults will keep expanding until they eclipse their virtues and faults are all you will see.

Let me share a story with you. When I first started dating my boyfriend, he of course walked on water! We had so much in common and so many similar interests, it felt like we were perfectly in sync.

As we began to spend more and more time with each other, I noticed that he wasn’t as quick to pick up his messes as I was. I have the habit of always picking up any dish or glass I’ve used and at least getting it in the sink. Yet, his glasses, water bottles, cereal bowls, seemed to gather and multiply in the living room…and go unnoticed.

More and more I found myself picking up after him and growing to resent it. What’s more, I started focusing on that little peccadillo and forgetting that he had gone grocery shopping, made dinner and did the dishes (at least the ones that were already in the sink). Hard to believe right?

Unfortunately it’s easier to do this than you would know. Think of someone close to you who you have frustrations with. I’m sure you spend quite a bit of time focusing on where they are different than you (and what bugs you) than focusing on what brought you together – common interests and positive qualities.

So what’s the solution?  Tony Robbins went on to say, “The way to go from discord to harmony is to go from concentrating on differences to concentrating on similarities.”

That’s it. Reverse the process. Forget or at least minimize the negatives and focus on the positives. Here’s a few ways to do this:

• Write a list of all the wonderful qualities that attracted you to him/her when you met.
• Challenge yourself to go a full day and every time you start to think of the negatives, say “CANCEL” and think of something positive.
• Reminisce with them about your first few meetings. (Include initial impressions, first things you said to each other, first time you decided “hey, I kinda like this person”)
• Express gratitude to him/her for something – anything. You’ll be amazed at the response especially if it’s been a long time since you sincerely thanked them for something.

In most relationships, it’s not too late to change the dynamic of the relationship by changing what you focus on. It’s just takes a little awareness, patience and willingness.

And trust me – the rewards are so worth it!

Q: Hi Nancy, I’m in your Think Pink program and I just listened to the bonus call from last night. As discussed on the call, my top values/motivators are #1 Utilitarian (desire to get ROI) and #2 Social (desire to give). My DISC behavioral style is Compliant-Steadiness naturally and I’ve adapted to add some Dominance.

This all fits my primary job. I’m a psychologist, evaluator, consultant. Being kind, compassionate, meticulous, all works. I’ve run projects and supervised staff in the past and certainly those more dominant traits (having some D) also makes a lot of sense. All of this fits…

THEN…I look at my success level in my Mary Kay business and I have two thoughts…

#1- Run forest run!
#2- Am I really trying to make something work that has little likelihood of succeeding (at least without divine intervention)???

Am I crazy to even want to have a successful MK business given my style? ~ Renee

A: Renee, you ask a great question. You are right that someone who is the introverted styles of S&C will have a harder time promoting their MK business. Warm chatter, phone calls, interviews, etc. may be outside your comfort zone and this is the key to building the business.

That being said, remember when I said on the call that values trump behavior? In essence this means, if the WHY is strong enough, the HOW doesn’t matter. We know a Pink Cadillac Director in our area who is the S-C behavioral style. Obviously she is strongly motivated to achieve success and it pushes her out of her comfort zone.

So the question is – do you want it badly enough to push yourself outside YOUR comfort zone. Only you know the answer to this.

The High Utilitarian is a good start. You are driven by ROI, financial gain, and results. Your Social also indicates that you have a passion for helping people (children, family, women?). You have to evaluate whether these motivators are strong enough to propel you to take on the aspects of the business you aren’t so comfortable with.

So to answer your question – are you crazy to want a successful MK business? No. Is there a small likelihood of success given your style. Only you know the answer to that.

~ Nancy

P.S. And to just to comment on your question about divine intervention, here’s a quote I love: “Pray like it’s up to God; work like it’s up to you.”

Q: I have had a direct sales business for a little over four years now. And I have big goals for myself and my Unit this year. I love my team but I find myself trying to motivate them to build their businesses despite the fact they almost seem resistant to do so. How do I get through to them?
~ Janice

A: Janice, if I had a dollar every time I heard this question in some form. The challenge in a direct sales organization vs. let’s say, a regular sales organization is that you are not the boss of the people on your team. If you worked for ABC company, as the sales manager, you would have the authority AND responsibility of hiring the right people and firing the wrong people. In direct sales, your team members are all their own bosses in charge of building their own business.

The first thing I want you to consider is this – external motivation typically doesn’t work. It is at best, short-term. You may be experiencing this when you find yourself having the same “pep talk” over and over again with the same people.

The second thing to consider is the 80/20 rule that applies to most things in life. 80% of the outfits you wear come from about 20% of the clothes in your closet. 80% of your sales typically come from about 20% of your customers.

This 80/20 rule applies to every segment of the population, as well. If you look at any sales team, 80% of the results are produced by 20% of the team. And this 20% breaks down further into 5 and 15 percent. 5% are your sales superstars and 15% have the potential to become superstars.

Now here, the most fascinating thing about the 5%. If you gave them no resources, no support, no mentoring, they would STILL find a way to succeed. It is their nature. And the 15%, by offering them some resources, support and mentoring (nurture), they may take it and run with it and enter that 5%.

But here’s the BIGGEST piece of advice for you – that 80%, even by giving them all your support, resources, knowledge, pep talks, mentoring, even money – will NOT move. It’s not because they are bad people – it’s because it’s just not their time. Maybe someday this will change because of something internal that shifts in them – but it will NOT change because of something you do or do not do for them.

So here is the last thing to consider. When you look at your team and you give them an opportunity to step up into the 5 or 15% segments (which is always determined by them taking an action you ask them to take – a self-selection process, if you will), this is how you decide who to spend your time with, how much time to spend with them AND how many more new people you will need to recruit for your team to reach your goals.

Have you ever noticed how sometimes the most profound lessons in life are so simple you can’t believe you didn’t get it until now?

I just had this experience in the last few weeks. I’d like to share it with you so that you can benefit from it if it’s something that hits you on the forehead like it did me (SMACK – I could have had a V8).

A few weeks ago, I was in a training where the facilitator shared a concept that whatever you feel you didn’t get enough of as a child, you will never get enough of as an adult no matter how much you try to get it.

It’s like a void that can’t be filled. So whether it was love, praise, attention, or security you didn’t get enough of, you will never get enough love, praise, attention or security to make you feel whole.

Some people will seek their whole lives to get enough. They will go from relationship to relationship to get enough love. Job to job to get enough praise or security. Some people perform for a living to get enough attention.

But it will never be enough and eventually you will start to blame the spouse, or job, or children when you realize you’re not happy and fulfilled.

This is the cause of a lot of insecurity and angst in life. And it perpetuates itself over and over again.

The ONLY way to end this cycle is to give away what you didn’t get. You read that right. Since you can never get enough anyway, you must give it away.

If you never got enough love, love everyone you come in contact with. If you never got enough attention, instead of expecting attention, lavish attention on those close to you.

My personal realization was that while I feel I got plenty of love and attention as a child (I was the baby of the family!), I don’t remember getting enough praise. We were all corrected constantly but rarely told how great or smart we were. It was like we were supposed to automatically know this!

Anyway, it holds true that I have sought praise my whole life. In my relationships, in my business, it’s been very important to me. But so it goes, it never seemed to be enough. And ultimately, the more I got, the less it meant and the more I would want.

So my remedy is to lavish praise on people. And then my BIG bonk on the head realization? I am STINGY with praise! I could hardly believe it.

But as I looked at my relationships, especially with those I’m closest to, I have to admit, I hold back praise. So here I am, wanting it, feeling like I didn’t get enough of it and I’m doing the exact same thing to other people.

I made a commitment to start praising people more – out loud. (I think it – I just haven’t been saying it.)

Take my 28 year old niece (whose name I won’t mention). I think she is one of the most beautiful, intelligent, talented and sophisticated women on this planet. I sing her praises to everyone I know – everyone but her. You know the last time I told her exactly how much I admire and love her? Her graduation. From high school. If you’re doing the math, that’s 11 years ago.

I justify this by telling myself that she knows how much I love her. But didn’t my family assume the same thing about me? She knows how much she’s loved so why tell her how unique, creative, special and smart she is?

SMACK! (that’s my hand hitting my forehead for the third time!)

There are three reasons why I think giving away what you didn’t get works.

1. By giving away what you didn’t get, you change your focus from yourself (I need XXX, I want XXX) to others (I can give them XXX). And what you focus on expands!
2. You change from a scarcity mentality (there’s not enough because you didn’t get XXX) to an abundance mentality (there’s plenty because you’re providing XXX).
3. When you give what you want, it somehow finds its way back to you. As you appreciate and love and praise others, what do you think is most likely to come back to you?

So what about you? Think back to when you were 5, 6, or 7 years old. What do you feel you didn’t get enough of?

Once you figure that out, think about how that shows up in your life? Have you tried to get it over and over in your relationships without success? Or like some people, have you built a career around getting that very thing you desire?

Lastly, how can you give it away more so it doesn’t drive your behavior and decisions anymore?

If this information gives you the same smack in the head it gave me, I’d love to hear your story.

Please share your story on our blog, just click here.

In the summer of 2007, I attended the “Enlightened Warrior Training Camp”, a boot camp for personal development being the best way to describe it. [Find out more at www.peakpotentials.com]

Let’s just say it was one of the most profound experiences of my life. I went in with very high expectations because of what I’d been told by other Warrior graduates – and it exceeded my expectations in every way.

While I can’t share with you exactly what I experienced (Warrior is like Vegas!  What happens at Warrior Camp stays at Warrior Camp!), I can share with you some of the life lessons I learned while there. 

You may read these and think “Well, these aren’t secrets.  I already know that.”  But as I’ve learned, if you know it but don’t live it – then you don’t know it.

Lesson 1: Fear is the number one thing that stops us from taking action towards what we want in life. Most people think they must wait until the fear is gone before making a move. They will wait forever! WARRIORS FEEL THE FEAR – AND DO IT ANYWAY!!!

Lesson 2: Some of the greatest victories in life are after a comeback. After a failure of sorts, I came back on a second round and was determined to reach my goal. When I did, I can honestly say the victory was sweeter than if I’d succeeded the first time. WARRIORS NEVER GIVE UP!

Lesson 3: Obstacles are what we see when we take our eyes off our goal. Keeping laser focus on your goal and taking one step at a time – you can accomplish anything. And I mean – ANYTHING!

Lesson 4: The definition of an Enlightened Warrior is “one who conquers oneself in order to serve”. The stronger you are (physically, mentally, fiscally, etc.) the more of an obligation you have to assist others.

Lesson 5: Eliminate the word “try” from your vocabulary. A Warrior does not “try” to do anything. They either do or do not do. When someone says they will try to do something, they mean if it is easy, convenient and without challenges. As a Warrior, your word is law. When you commit to something, it is done. Period.

Lesson 6: A Warrior acts with Integrity. This includes keeping commitments – big and small. And it starts with keeping commitments to yourself! If you can’t get to the gym when you said, if you can’t get up when you said, if you don’t make that phone call when you said, how will you ever trust yourself enough to keep bigger commitments in life? How will anyone else ever trust you?

Lesson 7: Use encouraging self-talk and personal mottos to get through the tough times. When your mind is trying to take you out, telling you that you can’t do something (yes, even Warriors have this problem!), it really does help to counteract the negative talk with some positive mantras. Some of my favorites that I relied on throughout the Camp were:

“If they can do it, I can do it”
“Just frickin’ do it”
“Suck it up, Princess”

Go ahead and make up a personal mantra that will help you ACT IN SPITE OF FEAR. Then think of something you’ve been putting off because you’re afraid of the outcome or consequences. Next step – just do it!

Q: I am very high Steadiness and Compliant behavioral style, with a little over 50% Dominance. How do I bring out more of that D??   My thought is to hire someone to help me. I feel like I would work better (be braver) if I had a helper in my business. Should I do it to help boost my self confidence? Get me started?
~ Annita

A: Annita, in order to raise your “D, it’s like changing any other behavior or trait. First you have to recognize where it’s low and how that’s impact your business? Do you hold back from speaking up, approaching people, asking for a sale, etc.?

When you realize you’ve held back, you have to make a conscious choice the next time you’re in that situation to choose a different behavior.

It’s all about awareness and reprogramming – in the moment.

As far as what you wrote about hiring someone, I do believe hiring an admin person can create a boost in your productivity because you need to be organized and working in order to pass work onto them.

As to whether it will create a boost in your self-esteem, there is only one known thing that can do that – taking the actions that you are afraid to take. Get started and then the confidence will come.

Q: I have been doing MK since 12/27/10 and I have put everything I make back into my business, thus, leaving me to wonder at what point I will or should stop and pay myself. I came in with a full inventory and I’m still establishing my customer base. I see other consultants that move fast with their business and really wonder if I’m doing something wrong. I often wonder if other consultants have the same thoughts and concerns. I love what I’m doing so I guess that is what really matters. ~ Gail Capper

A: Dear Gail, yes, other consultants struggle with the same thing. Sometimes at the direction of their Director or from their own ideas of how to build the business, they invest in inventory and training but show very little profit in their business.

My take on it is that you should be paying yourself from the beginning. If you don’t have profit, you don’t have a business, you have an expensive hobby. I don’t know exactly how the breakdown works or should work in MK – so I’m going to share with you a hypothetical from my business.

If I sell $1000 in my business, this is an example of how I would divide it:

$250 taxes (rough estimate)
$250 business expenses (inventory, training materials, admin help, education, website, etc.)
$500 my personal income

Then my personal income gets broken down into different accounts as well. (Play, Give, Long-term Savings, Financial Freedom account, etc.)

If I needed $2000 to cover my monthly expenses, then I know I would need to generate $4000 sales in my business.

It sounds like you keep dipping into your “income” to cover your business expenses. I would challenge you to find ways to make the money you need for inventory (having a “summer blowout sale” on items you already have on hand) or to attend Seminar rather than dipping into your income.

Without this kind of discipline, you won’t see a profit in your business which ultimately is not sustainable.

Why is it that most people don’t reach their goals even though they are set with the best intentions?  Let me share with you the Top 3 reasons I think we don’t meet our goals.

1)    We set our goals based on outcomes – Most of the time, we set our goals based on results that we can’t control.  Getting a $5000 raise or losing 10 pounds is – unfortunately – not within our control.

What is within our control is the strategies and activities that may lead to the outcome we want.  For example, let’s say we do want to lose ten pounds.  One strategy is eating less and better. (There really is no rocket science or magic pill is there?)  And the activity could be to eat five small, balanced meals per day and have one splurge meal on the weekends.  Those are within your control!

A second strategy may be to workout more. The activity could be to power walk 3x per week for at least 30 minutes. Great – that is also within your control.

2)    Most people don’t get what they want because they are really focused on what they don’t want. I came across a website called www.goalsettingisuseless.com and I loved this concept.

“As powerful as it is, your brain doesn’t understand negatives such as no, don’t, and avoid.

What this means is that if you have a goal of not being broke, the only image you’re feeding your brain is, being broke.

If you don’t believe me, try this exercise. Imagine not being at the beach. Try really hard. Imagine not being at the beach. I’m not saying that you aren’t capable of thinking of something other than being at the beach but at best, it’s a three-step process that always begins with the image of a beach.

It looks like this:
1.    The image pops in your head about a beach
2.    The thought is, “Oops! I’m not supposed to be thinking about being on the beach so let me pick mmm…driving”
3.    Image. I’m driving.

So you can’t think about what you don’t want to think about without thinking about it so think about that. The point here is that the only way to think about not being on the beach is to think of somewhere else. So you might say, it’s no big deal to just change your focus like that and you’re right. The problem is that most people don’t make that simple focus change when it comes time to achieve their goals. They’re too busy focusing on what they don’t want.”

3)    Exercise:  Think of a goal you want to achieve and by when. Write this down.  Now using a scale from 1-10, write down how confident you are that you will achieve this goal.  1 = no way, not going to happen and 10 = absolutely, no doubt in my mind.

Got your number? (If you haven’t written down a goal yet, please do it now before you read on!)

I believe that many people don’t reach a goal because it’s not realistic for them.  They don’t have the confidence they need to reach it.

Okay, so here’s what the interpretation of these numbers mean.

10: it’s a done deal. This goal is going to happen and it’s probably going to happen beyond or faster than the timeframe you set for it.

8 or 9: You’re going to get it done and most likely in the timeframe that you set.

5 to 7: You may reach the goal but it will most likely take longer than the time frame you set.

1 through 4, it’s a pretty good guess that you’re not going to accomplish this goal and certainly not in the time frame that you selected and what I would question is “Is this a goal that’s been on your list for a long time? And if so, you really have to think about that goal and why you want it?

When a goal keeps showing up on your list and it’s been there 3, 4 years in a row, it’s almost more discouraging to have it on there and it feels better to just cross it off, release it, and let it go.

Goals should be a stretch and they should inspire you to do better than you’ve ever done before but the truth is, I hear people set goals that are very unrealistic and I don’t want to be the one to say, “Are you kidding me?” But really, you have to look at your goals from this confidence perspective.

Now take out your goals for this year.  You have them written down, yes?  And change them to fit these three criteria.

And just watch what happens…

Q: I need some advice on balancing work and family. I work a day job, have a Mary Kay business that I am successful at, and have a husband and a 13 year old.

My husband cannot work due to disability and my MK biz is our second income. Therefore I spend a lot of time on it – nurturing it, growing it and working it. I have to so that we can financially survive. However, I often have guilt about being away from the family so much. Advice??
~ Lisa D.

A: Dear Lisa, when I read your email the first thing that popped into my mind was something I heard Gloria Steinem once say. “I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine family and a career.” Women certainly have an interesting challenge nowadays, don’t we?

In the traditional religion I grew up in, it was the man’s, God-given, responsibility to financially care for his family. If he was unable for some reason, that responsibility had to fall on the mother’s shoulders – like it or not, fair or unfair.

Since you are the sole breadwinner of your family, it is not a luxury that you go to work and work your business. It is a necessity.

If you have done the work of reducing your expenses as much as possible (13-year olds DO NOT need cell phones with unlimited plans – sorry had to get that off my chest!) and the additional income is necessary, then you are doing your best to make sure your family’s basic requirements are cared for.

I do understand that as a woman you may have more of a desire for balance and find more fulfillment in the caring and nurturing of your family than in just knowing that you are providing the basics of food, clothing and shelter.

But I sense that your question really comes from the guilt you feel. It might help you to know that a few years ago, I interviewed a group of girls who were graduating from an inner city high school. When asked who their hero was – every one of the girls said “My mother.” And many said it was because their mother worked two or three jobs just to keep food on the table.

You are in a challenging position for sure. But adding guilt to your load? Now, that’s just mean!

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