Q&A with Nancy – Balancing work and family

Q: I need some advice on balancing work and family. I work a day job, have a Mary Kay business that I am successful at, and have a husband and a 13 year old.

My husband cannot work due to disability and my MK biz is our second income. Therefore I spend a lot of time on it – nurturing it, growing it and working it. I have to so that we can financially survive. However, I often have guilt about being away from the family so much. Advice??
~ Lisa D.

A: Dear Lisa, when I read your email the first thing that popped into my mind was something I heard Gloria Steinem once say. “I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine family and a career.” Women certainly have an interesting challenge nowadays, don’t we?

In the traditional religion I grew up in, it was the man’s, God-given, responsibility to financially care for his family. If he was unable for some reason, that responsibility had to fall on the mother’s shoulders – like it or not, fair or unfair.

Since you are the sole breadwinner of your family, it is not a luxury that you go to work and work your business. It is a necessity.

If you have done the work of reducing your expenses as much as possible (13-year olds DO NOT need cell phones with unlimited plans – sorry had to get that off my chest!) and the additional income is necessary, then you are doing your best to make sure your family’s basic requirements are cared for.

I do understand that as a woman you may have more of a desire for balance and find more fulfillment in the caring and nurturing of your family than in just knowing that you are providing the basics of food, clothing and shelter.

But I sense that your question really comes from the guilt you feel. It might help you to know that a few years ago, I interviewed a group of girls who were graduating from an inner city high school. When asked who their hero was – every one of the girls said “My mother.” And many said it was because their mother worked two or three jobs just to keep food on the table.

You are in a challenging position for sure. But adding guilt to your load? Now, that’s just mean!

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