Hard lesson to learn

Posted on May 18, 2010 by nancy

Carl Jung said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” 

I never really got this until I started doing “The Work” by Katie Byron.  The Work is four simple questions that we can ask about any situation that is bothering us.

1. Is it true?
2. Is it absolutely true?
3. How do I act or behave when I think this thought?
4. How would I act or who would I be without this thought?

Then she offers two ways to turnaround the painful thought.  The first is the reverse the thought; the second is to apply the thought to “you” instead of “them”.  Then ask which is truer.

Let’s give this a try.  My frustrating thought lately has been…“the kids won’t be okay without me” regarding my nephew and his family moving to Texas.

1. Is this true?  At first glance, yes.  They took the kids away from their home and their extended family to move somewhere they have no support.  I was a great influence in their life.
2. Is this absolutely true?  When I dig deeper, I have to admit that their parents weren’t very happy here and if they can be happier in Texas, maybe that’s even better for the kids.
3. How do I behave when I think this thought?  I get very emotional when I think about not being there for the kids, and then I am judgmental of my nephew and his choices.
4. How would I act if I couldn’t think this thought?  I would know that the kids will be just fine without me, I would be more supportive, I would judge less, be more open.

Then the reverse turn around statement “The kids will be okay without me.”  Which is truer.  I do believe that kids are resilient and that I will still be an influence in their life.  So I think the turnaround statement is truer.

Then the other turnaround statement is “I won’t be okay without the kids.”  Which is truer?  By the complete emotional reaction I’m having to that statement – I can tell you it is more true that my pain is coming from the fact that the kids were such a source of joy in my life – I haven’t been proactive about replacing what I’m missing.

Not that the kids can actually be replaced – but the time that I spent with them can be spent doing other things that bring me joy.  I haven’t given a lot of thought to that until now.

And that my friends is the work!  If you liked this exercise, I encourage you to get the book “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie. 
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Texas hold ’em

Posted on May 10, 2010 by nancy

No I don’t play poker.  But I went to Texas last week to hold my niece and nephews for the first time since they moved down there a couple months ago.  I rented a suite, picked up the kids and had four days of glorious play time.  I came home pooped, under the weather but with a permanent smile on my face!

Ben and I were singing.  I can only imagine Kai had heard enough.
Mika and Kai at the zoo checking out the flamingos.
Mika seemed mezmerized by the turtles.
Mika took this shot…hence, the missing part of Chris’ head.
Ben never misses an opportunity to flare his nostrils.
Mika ready to show us a thing or two at the batting cages!
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How often do we get to a 60th Wedding Anniversary?

Posted on April 26, 2010 by nancy

This past weekend, we celebrated my parents 60th Wedding Anniversary.  It was wonderful being with many siblings, nieces and nephews.  Ironically, one of my nieces who was supposed to be there went in to labor and missed the party.  But with the wonder of technology, I was able to receive a picture of the brand new baby by phone, post it to Facebook and have it up on my laptop projected to the entire family. 

Why, you may ask, did I have a projector and laptop at my parents anniversary party.  Well, I created a powerpoint presentation for them as a tribute to their 60 years together.  I’m having trouble loading it up here as a video so here is a picture from the event…

My parents at their 60th Anniversary!
 My newest great-nephew Luca who was born during the party!
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The problem with logic

Posted on April 26, 2010 by nancy

Here is a little something that is indisputable mathematical logic. (It also made me Laugh Out Loud.)  Remember, this is a strictly mathematical viewpoint. It goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100 % in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.  😉

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Values or Behavior?

Posted on April 19, 2010 by nancy

Whenever we feel a conflict between what we know is right vs. what we really want to do, we are experiencing a conflict between our values and our behavior.  When this happens, we have a choice.  We can alter our behavior to match our values; or we can change our values to match our behavior. 

As you can imagine many people find either of these options difficult and so they just live with the conflict.  They think one thing but do another.  They preach health and wellness, yet they smoke.  They condemn dishonesty at work; yet they cheat on their taxes.  They profess to believe in fidelity; yet push flirting to the limit.

So if you are finding yourself in a similar situation, the first thing to do is examine your values.  Why do you believe what you believe?  Are these beliefs you chose or beliefs that were handed down to you?  Is it really possible that you don’t value integrity as much as you would like to? 

If you find your value is a reflection of your true beliefs, then question why your behavior is counter to your values.  Is it just easier?  Path of least resistance?  Do you possibly have an addiction you haven’t admitted to?  Many times a behavior in conflict with our deepest values is just a way to self-sabotage our success. 

Whatever you find out through this exploration, you may want to hire a coach or counselor to work through this conflict. 

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Aruba, Jamaica, oooh, I want to take you to…

Posted on April 1, 2010 by nancy

CANCUN!  We’re back from a wonderful vacation.  This was my first trip without my laptop and cell phone.  So no email or voicemail for a week.  It was quite an adjustment the first few days.  I kept looking around for something to do (electronic) and had to keep reaching for my books.  I took a few solo walks on the beach.  Played in the ocean waves and collected shells for entertainment.  And we ate some of the most amazing meals we’ve ever had.  Needless to say, we came back very refreshed.  If it’s been awhile since you’ve taken some time off from the TV, Internet, cell phone and iPod, I highly recommend it.

There’s a reason Crayola has a color “caribbean blue”
Holy guacamole!
Yes, all the drinks were hers!
The view from our resort’s lobby.  I know!
Best signs ever!
After swimming in a cenote!
Looks like a certain Corona commercial.
Dinner at Perico’s.
The best soup ever – La Habaschuela!
Very relaxed on our last night.
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Life goes on…

Posted on March 8, 2010 by nancy

This past weekend, we had a baby shower for my niece Jessica.  She and her husband are expecting their baby boy in May.  It was a bittersweet event for me.  On the one hand, I’m getting ready to welcome my 4th great nephew into this world.  On the other, I’m getting ready to say goodbye to Ben, Mika and Kai (my nephew Mike’s kids)…as they are moving to Texas this week. 

It’s period of adjustment for me.  Just about every other weekend has been spent with these kids and I’m not sure what I’ll do with all the “mothering” I’ve lavished on them.  But I’m taking this experience as an opportunity to practice what I preach.  What I focus on expands.  If I just focus on how much I’m going to miss them – I make myself miserable.  If I think about how fun it will be to visit them in Texas –  I actually get excited about the possibilities!  I do think I will be getting to know Texas quite well in the coming months.

Here’s some pictures from the shower!

Nick getting some practice before the new arrival!
Jessica – the new mom-to-be – opening a beautiful hand made blankie!
Mika and Kai – before the crash!
Mika – crashed!

I’m in heaven – as you can probably tell!
The two most handsome men in the world!!!
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The solution to regret

Posted on March 3, 2010 by nancy

This may sound like a “no-brainer” but if you don’t have clear goals, that’s the first problem. A goal or a vision of what you want – long term – is the first step. So whether it’s to lose 20 lbs. or to vacation in Paris, you have to be crystal clear about what you want. In other words, your WHY has to be very compelling.

A practical plan for reaching your goal is the next requirement. Without a plan, a goal is just a dream. There are plans for weight loss, money management, even for keeping a relationship strong. So create or borrow a plan from someone else who has done what you want to do.

Next is support. Support and accountability are key. Because no matter how motivated you are when you start – motivation doesn’t last. Just go to a gym January 2nd and then return 30 days later and see the difference. So get a team or coach that will hold you accountable to taking action on your plan. This could be a business coach, financial advisor or even a workout buddy depending on your goal.

The bottom line is that while it might not be human nature to focus on the long-term, the rewards are definitely worth it.  It reminds me of another quote:
 
“A year from now, you’ll wish you started today.”
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Pain of discipline or regret

Posted on March 3, 2010 by nancy

Awhile back, I heard a quote that stopped me in my tracks. Jim Rohn, America’s foremost business coach who recently passed away, said:

“We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.”

While the truth of this quote sunk in, I had to admit there were plenty of things I had regret over because I never disciplined myself to change my result.

As I’ve shared this philosophy with others, I find that most of the time we put off the discipline because that has to come now while the regret can come much later.

Take our physical health for example. Getting off the couch or denying ourselves dessert happens (or doesn’t happen) in the present moment. The regret may come much later when we are diagnosed with diabetes, high blood pressure or develop a chronic pain in our knee.

The amazing thing is, statistics show that when faced with a dire consequence to our health only 5-10% of people will make a radical, sustainable change. You’ve probably heard of people diagnosed with lung cancer who wouldn’t give up smoking. This happens more than we can imagine.

But where else does this phenomenon occur? Where else in life do we put off the discipline until we are paying dearly?

Relationships – Many couples ignore the problems in their relationships until there is nothing left to salvage. It seems ludicrous that people would rather pay thousands to a divorce attorney than hundreds to a marriage counselor. But that is the point. To go to counseling now requires time, energy and sacrifice and most people just don’t want to make the effort. If you’ve been unfortunate enough to witness or go through a divorce, you see the regret firsthand.

Business – Typically 75% of all new businesses fail within the first year. After a year like the last, I suspect that number was even higher. So what happens in that first year of business that makes it so difficult to survive? In my experience, most business owners are not willing to pick up the phone to call for the sales or help they need. Whether it’s pride (I should be able to figure this out myself) or fear (They will reject me), before long the bills are unpaid and the doors have to close. The pain of discipline at marketing and prospecting is replaced with the pain of regret at losing a business.

Money & Finances – Over the last year, we’ve learned more about our neighbors spending habits than we may have ever wanted to know. About 43% of American families spend more than they earn each year, the average household carries more than $8000 in credit card debt and very few have savings or retirement accounts. This can only occur when short-term thinking outweighs long-term thinking. The very use of a credit card implies that we want it now – but we’ll pay for it later. Money is the number one thing couples fight about. Yet the discipline of managing their money seems more painful to them than the hiding, arguing, and ultimate regret when the money runs out or there isn’t money to do the things they really want to do.

So what is the solution? We live in an instant gratification society and we want what we want right now. So how do we shift to being more proactive before the pain sets in?
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Trapped in the Keys!

Posted on March 3, 2010 by nancy

Believe me – there are worse things in life.  Due to the storm that hit the Northeast last week, I was “stuck” in the Keys with my friends Patti and David.  As you can see from the pics, I was suffering greatly.  I tried to make the best of it by kayaking and boating and lounging in the hammock.  And of course, I had to pay my hosts with their favorite treat – white chocolate popcorn (“crack corn” as my friends call it).  Eventually I was able to get a flight out of Miami and make it to Cleveland where I rented an SUV (a Toyota – are you kidding me?) and drove the four hours home.  While I was glad to finally be home…I notice I’m singing Kokomo and Margaritaville quite often.

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