Why it’s all your fault – and that’s a good thing!

Posted on April 6, 2011 by nancy

Of all the attributes that contribute to someone’s success, if you had to pick just ONE – what would it be?

Some might say ambition; others might say vision or passion. Some put emphasis on interpersonal skills or high levels of intelligence.

But after studying highly successful people for the past few years, there is one trait that strikes me as more important than any other. What is it?

Responsibility! The willingness to take 100% responsibility for one’s results.

Especially in times like these, when blame is at an all-time high, self responsibility is at an all time low. It’s the economy, the government, the credit card companies, the weather, your spouse, your boss, on and on the list goes.

I understand why people want to shirk responsibility, I do. For a short time, it makes us feel better to point the finger and absolve ourselves of blame when things aren’t working out. Some people seems to be quite content being the victim of so many bad circumstances.

The problem with this victim-mentality is that if you have no control over your situation, you also have no power to change it. You will always be at the mercy of whatever you are blaming for your problem.

Take this one woman Kristy who has been struggling in her relationship with her manager. According to Kristy, she was unkind and grumpy and she was taking it personally. It was having a negative impact on her morale, her competence and her personal life.

When I spoke with her, I gently pointed out her part in the situation. As she took her manager’s comments personally, she gave her words the power to affect her mood and her self-esteem.

I explained the E + R = O model. “The Event plus our Response equals our Outcome. The event never causes the outcome. It is always our response that gives us the outcome.”

The event may be a harsh email from your manager. If your response is to deal with it head on and ask her if she meant to be harsh, she might tell you she is sorry and that she was just frustrated, not to be taken personally. Your response then is business as usual.

However if the event is the harsh email and you go into a tailspin and sulk all day or avoid her, she may get even more frustrated and you certainly will be less effective.

After a negative event or circumstance has occurred, the biggest indicator of how this situation will turn out for you is where your thoughts go. Do you think negatively and paint the “worst case scenario”? Is your mind focused on revenge, guilt or worry?

While she contemplated this, she said, “Well, I’m willing to admit I do take her comments personally. I’m willing to accept 50% responsibility for my part in this. But she has to take 50% responsibility too.”

As much as I would have liked to let her off the hook with that – I really wanted to help her. So I told her 50% wasn’t good enough. If you only accept 50% responsibility for your reaction to your manager, then you are still giving her power over you and you will always be a victim of her moods and words, etc.

Bottom line is…we can’t change other people. All we can do is control our reactions to them.

This can be a very empowering discovery for people. As you accept 100% responsibility for your reactions and results in life, accept that it’s all up to you, then you take back control. Not of the event, mind you, but of the ultimate outcome.

As I was working with Kristy, I was also working with her manager. As you can imagine, I’ve encouraged the manager to take 100% responsibility for the relationship and to control her reactions to Kristy.

With both of them taking 100% responsibility for the relationship, the manager reported to me last week that they are in very “Kumbaya” place.

There is no situation in life that we can’t improve by accepting responsibility for it.

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Sales Prevention Department – Do you have one?

Posted on March 30, 2011 by nancy

The other day on my way to an appointment, I went by the local Delta Sonic to get my car washed.  I requested the Works which includes an interior and exterior wash and a 5-day Wash Guarantee.  I asked if I could get the interior cleaning done when I came back in 5 days.

The attendant told me that you have to get the interior done on the day of purchase.  I explained that I had to be at an appointment and didn’t have time for the interior today.  “Sorry, that’s our policy.”  So I settled for the Super Kiss instead. 

I was baffled as I drove away because I realized that I was just talked out of an upsell.  Delta Sonic spends a lot of time and money on training their employees to upsell.  I know this because I’m always asked if I want my tires dressed, my body glossed or my air freshened.

So why would they create a policy that would have me downgrade my purchase?

I own a business.  If my clients want to give me money in advance for a service, I’m okay with that.  What I’m not okay with is preventing people who want to buy from buying. 

Here’s another example from a recent dinner at an Italian restaurant.

Nancy: I’d like the chicken parmigiana with the side salad.  Can I get Italian dressing with crumbly bleu cheese?

Server: There’s an extra charge for the bleu cheese.

N: That’s fine.  And can I get a different pasta on the side?

S: Sorry, we don’t make substitutions.

N: Even if I pay extra?

S: Uh, let me check.

…

S: Yeah, no we don’t make substitutions because it comes with fettucine

N: Oh, fettucine alfredo? Great.

S: No, it comes with red sauce.  If you want alfredo sauce, that’s extra.

Maybe it’s just me but I would rather they raise the price of every item on their menu by one or two dollars than put me through this every time I want to order. 

Now lest you think that I am “hyper” aware of sales prevention (thus attracting it to me!), I’m also aware of great customer service that makes me want to buy more.

Just yesterday I was at Barnes & Noble buying a book.  That I was at Barnes & Noble is not remarkable.  I go there quite frequently to browse and work in their coffee shop.  That I was actually buying a book is remarkable because I prefer to make my purchases at Amazon.com which is much cheaper.

But I had to have this book yesterday so I had no other choice and believe me, I was not happy about paying the inflated price.

So when I got up to the counter and the woman inquired if I had a Barnes & Noble membership which would save me 20% on my purchase, I regrettably said no.  I then half-heartedly mentioned, “But my boyfriend has one.” 

To my shock, she said, “Great.  Give me his phone number and I can look up his membership.”  I was beyond thrilled. 

I don’t know if this is Barnes & Noble policy or not and I don’t care.  The point is, with that one gesture, I went from feeling disgruntled to elated at “having” to purchase from them. 

And how does Barnes & Noble benefit?  Now that I know using his discount is a possibility, I’m much more likely to go back and purchase books when my need for instant gratification kicks in.  Amazon is cheap but I also wait 7-10 days for my books!

So where are sales being prevented in your business?  Are you guilty of having idiotic policies or employees who aren’t empowered to delight your customers?

If you have any sales prevention stories, I’d love to hear them.  Comment below!

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Why men who don’t ask for directions might be right

Posted on March 26, 2011 by nancy

Since I travel so much, and I loathe GPS systems, I tend to rely on google maps and my own internal compass.  Most of the time, this gets me exactly where I’m going.  Plus I love the adventure.

However, there are a few times when the locals “you can’t miss it” seems to be a prediction that I’m going to miss it.  The curious thing is how many times I have turned around – thinking I’ve gone too far – just before reaching my destination.

It happened today in Sedona, Arizona.  I was looking for the Java Love coffee shop (needed my caramel Latte fix) and the concierge assured me it was just a couple of blocks up on the right.

Well, after going more than what I thought were a couple of blocks, I turned around.  Drove back to the hotel, turned around again…went further than the time before…and lo’ and behold, found the coffee shop.

It ocurred to me then that many of us do this in life.  We don’t realize how close we are to our goal (destination) but we become frustrated or convinced we’re on the wrong path and give up (turn around).  When if we’d only gone a little bit further, we might have found what we were looking for. 

Proof that going the distance is worth it?  Here is the view from the front door of Javas. 

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How I met ABC’s “Secret Millionaire” James Malinchak

Posted on March 24, 2011 by nancy

Hello from the Arizona Biltmore Resort. I’m here for InfusionCon, a users conference for a software program we use in our business. It’s absolutely beautiful out here and we’ve had some amazing speakers. James Malinchak from ABC’s “Secret Millionaire” and Brian Tracy, co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books, were both incredible. (Check out our Facebook page to see a picture of me with James and a short video of his presentation. http://www.facebook.com/insightspage.)

Since I’m short on time, I decided this week to just write up some of the key points I’ve learned from the conference so far. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have.

~ When your fish is sick, you don’t throw out the fish – you clean the tank.  So with us, when we are sick, sluggish, stuck, we need to clean our environment to get the guck out.  This includes our physical environment, as well as, relationships that are no longer serving us.

~ “There are three things we need to become wealthy. 1) Mindset, 2) Skillset, and 3) Get off your ass-et.”  James Malinchak

~ “You can not hire someone to do your pushups for you.” ~ Jim Rohn

~ Money freedom leads to time freedom which leads to relationship freedom.  If you know someone who is struggling in business and broke, they typically work harder and spend more time in the business leaving less time for family.

~ There are ONLY three ways to get more sales.  1) Get more customers, 2) sell more stuff to your customers, 3) sell more frequently to your customers.  Guess where we spend the most time? (#1) Guess which are the most profitable? (#2 and 3)

~ The average business owner spends 11% of their time selling.  If you want to double your sales, simply double the number of minutes you spend selling each week.

~ The sale doesn’t start until they say “no.”

~ “The only opinions that count are those people who GIVE you money or LEAD you to money.”
Bill Glazer

~ Stop telling yourself you’re going to do it tomorrow and DO IT today!

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The DISC styles at Starbucks

Posted on March 24, 2011 by nancy

In my consulting business (http://www.discwizardonline.com) I utilize a behavioral tool called DISC.  It breaks behavior down into four types – Dominance, Influence, Steadiness and Compliance.  People have a combination of all four types in the behavioral style but usually one or two are predominant.

The next time you’re in a Starbucks or your local coffee shop and can casually observe people (No staring!  You don’t want to be thrown out.), check out people’s body language, tone of voice, and drink choices and see if you can determine their DISC style.

High Dominant people tend to be powerful and bold in how they move.  Extroverted but task oriented, they do everything quickly and focused on getting the job done.  Ordering coffee?  They’re going to be direct and succinct.  No fluffy, frilly drinks for them – most likely black coffee.  They will put their change in the tip jar – mostly because they don’t want it jingling in their pockets.  They may buy The Wall Street Journal and will browse it while waiting for their order.  Unless they are meeting someone there, don’t expect them to stick around.  They’ve got things to do!

High Influence people love coffee shops!  It’s the perfect place to socialize.  They are expressive and open with their body language.  They smile and their eyes twinkle.  They will talk and joke with the barista and people in line!  They’ll put all their change (dollars and cents) in the tip jar plus a little extra. Their drinks tend to be complicated and highly involved e.g. tall, light, double espresso, caramel macchiato, light whip, extra hot.  If they are by themselves, they will read their horoscope as they wait for their drink if they haven’t already befriended the person who is also waiting for their drink. 

High Steadiness people are very mild mannered.  No bold gestures or movements.  They tend to dress very simply – nothing too flashy.  They wait quietly in line and when it’s their turn, they’ll order their coffee with cream and sugar or a latte – nothing too complicated.  If their order is wrong, they’ll drink it anyway.  They may sit quietly with a good book or the newspaper.  They won’t make direct eye contact with strangers although if they do inadvertently, they will smile shyly and look away. 

High Compliant people tend to be constricted with their body language.  They dress conservatively and may come across aloof and cool.  They may ask a few questions to make sure they get exactly what they want.  Their change will be carefully tucked back in their wallet after being counted for accuracy.  When waiting for their drink, they’ll be watching the barista to be sure it’s made right.  And if it’s wrong – although they are generally introverted – they will speak up!

So did you recognize yourself in these descriptions?  You may be a combination of two or more of the styles.  If you want to learn more about the DISC styles and how you can use this insight into human behavior to increase your ability to influence others, see the product below.

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To tip at Starbucks or not to tip, that is the question

Posted on March 24, 2011 by nancy

This week I’m dealing with a personal dilemma. Compared to what a lot people deal with on a daily basis (especially the recent tragedy in Japan), I realize whether to tip or not to tip at the Starbucks counter is not a real big problem. But since I do my work at Starbucks almost daily, it is something I face regularly.

My internal dialogue goes something like this. “Since when do we have to tip for counter service? We never used to tip for counter service. At McDonald’s and Burger King, there are no plastic containers (yet). Table service – no problem. I’m a 20 to 30% tipper (thereby convincing myself of my own generosity).

Perhaps people just don’t want to deal with the loose change. Well they obviously don’t know the value of a dollar. If they kept that change in a jar for a year, they’d be shocked at how much they would have to spend or invest.”

That’s one half of my inner voice. The other half sounds like this, “Well, I don’t want to look cheap. I mean, my change is only 14 cents. Am I really going to pocket that after spending $4.86 for a latte? Besides who is that 14 cents going to mean more to? Me or them? They are working a counter after all while I have a thriving business. And they do give me really great service. They even remember my name. Maybe I should leave the 14 cents and another dollar.”

Am I the only one who goes through this? Just for fun – and to lighten to mood a little bit this week – the next post is an article that I wrote about the different personality types and how they behave at Starbucks. Read it and see if you can identify yourself.

P.S. And so as to not overlook the tragedy in Japan, here are a couple places you can donate if you choose to. Go to Redcross.org or text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 from your phone.

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(Relationship) Rescue At Sea!

Posted on February 28, 2011 by nancy

While on our Caribbean cruise, we attended a “seminar at sea”.  Meaning that every day we were at sea, we were in the seminar. 

As much as I missed being poolside sipping a Pina Colada, the information and profound insights gained at this seminar more than made up for it.

The seminar was called “Creating Divine Partnerships” and it was created to help any kind of business or personal partnerships.  There is so much juicy stuff to share that I think I will give you a summary of some of the most meaningful points to me and then delve more into some of the topics in future articles.

Warning: These concepts may sound simple, but they are profound and not easy to apply.  We’ll start with a couple of the fundamental teachings.

  • We are not 6 billion people living in one world.  We are one people living in 6 billion worlds.  I like this reframe because it reminds me that 1) we are all connected and 2) there is no way we can know what is going on with someone else until we are willing to step into “their world.”
  • The purpose of life is evolution.  Everything evolves or becomes extinct.  The Universe insists that we evolve and it doesn’t care how.  If we prefer the status quo (“No thanks, growing is too painful, I’ll just stay here where it’s safe and comfortable.”), the Universe will create some kind of chaos to wake you up.  Divorce, health problems, losing a job, or even the death of a loved one, are all opportunities for us to evolve.
  • A happy relationship takes courage and curiosity.  Courage to step into your partner’s world and curiosity to stay open as to what you may learn.  We all have our own “worlds” and we’re so sure ours is correct.  We can’t even fathom sometimes why our partner sees something the way they do.  It reminds me of what Dr. Phil always says, “You can be right, or you can be happy.”  Courage + curiosity = happy.
  • So if that’s the formula for happiness, do you know the recipe for misery?  Expectations and conclusions!  The moment we start to have expectations of another human being (that usually show up like hard and fast rules, lots of “should’s”) we will experience disappointment.  Why?  Because they’re human.  And they do things for their reasons – not ours.  Then we come up with stories (conclusions) as to why we feel disappointed.  (He’s not the one for me.  She doesn’t really care about me.  He’s selfish.  She’s needy. And on and on…)
  • A real challenge is that all of us have two partners/spouses.  The one we’re married to and the one in our heads.  Our “ideal” spouse we’ve been with since we were old enough to start dreaming about “the one”.  Our “real” spouse is that unfortunate person next to you trying to compete with your ideal (talk about built-in disappointment!).  Every marriage ends in divorce.  You either divorce your ideal and stick with your real partner.  Or you divorce your real partner and stick with your ideal. 
  • Women, as naturally emotional and hormonal creatures (might as well stop denying it!), need one thing from men when we are in the middle of our “storm”.  We need them to stand next to us with no fear and no judgment.  And this is asking A LOT!  You see, when we are “storming”, the safest place for a man is to be as far from it as possible.  That is why men typically retreat.  Yet this just makes women angrier!  If a man can be courageous and step into the eye of the hurricane, most women’s storm, most of the time, completely dissipates.
  • What do men need from women?  Validation.  Respect.  And let’s face it, while we women may be good at this early on in a relationship, we do tend to stop finding reasons to praise our men after awhile.  (“Praise him?  I made him!”)  The number one reason men cheat on their partners is because they are desperate for the praise and admiration they once got from their partner.  And the number one reason women cheat?  Because they find someone they think will give them the emotional support they once got from their partner. Yup, cheating is not about sex most of the time.

There is so much more I could share.  As you can see, this seminar was jam-packed with crucial information for happy partnerships.  If you’re interested in attending one of these seminars, our trainers Greg & Tamara Montana (pictured right) will be hosting other seminars at sea.  Here is their website: http://www.heartvirtue.com/

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Ugly Disco 2011

Posted on February 28, 2011 by nancy

This was Chris’ first time at the Ugly Disco although I’ve been 4 or 5 times.  He wasn’t sure what to expect but has now informed me, we are going next year.  Needless to say, we had a blast from the past!  Enjoy the pics.

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chris and I by the Ugly Bus (save the date February 25, 2012).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This man was really nice.  Promised us all jobs with a great dental plan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chris looking like “McSteamy” and our friend Chico (a.k.a. Dan).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Chris and I need to keep our day jobs. 
(Vogue won’t be calling us anytime soon!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chris’ shoes had goldfish in them.  And he seemed much more sympathetic to women’s “aching feet” after dancing all night in them.

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Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya!

Posted on February 15, 2011 by nancy

Chris and I just returned from a glorious Caribbean cruise where we attended a seminar on “Creating Divine Partnerships.”   We were able to meet quite a few couples who owned businesses together.  It takes a special kind of partnership – and really great communication skills – to navigate business ownership with your mate. 

We learned a ton and as you can see…a great time was had by all!

The first formal night.

Our trainers, Greg & Tamara Moore

J of J’s Best Jewelers in St. Martin who sold me my first blue diamond!!

We were happy to have Spiderman on the ship – in case of any Pirate invasions!

David & Jill – one of the amazing couples we met aboard the ship.

Robert & Joan – the lovely couple who ran the whole show!

Our new friends from Seattle, Rob & MaryAnne!

This was before the bottle of Malbec!  Really!

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Tough economy? Depends on one thing!

Posted on February 15, 2011 by nancy

This past week, I attended the Young Entrepreneurs Alliance (YEA) tradeshow at the University of Rochester. If you’ve never heard of YEA (I hadn’t prior to this), it was founded on the belief that teens from all walks of life have innate talents, waiting to be discovered. YEA helps low-income teens realize their economic potential and take steps toward financial independence by owning and running viable businesses.

As I walked around from booth to booth, I was amazed at the ingenuity, talent, and aplomb of these young adults. Some of their businesses were truly groundbreaking!

There was one young woman, Gwen Le, who has solved such a common problem that she deserves to be a millionaire. Gwen had the idea for a light strip to put inside purses. The lights are waterproof LED strips that run on a very small but powerful battery. These light strips automatically light up when opened and turn off after the purse is closed. She realized that every woman struggles to find things in the bottom of their purses, so she designed this concept and it is already being manufactured inside purses.

Another young woman had the idea for a cooking show for kids. She realized one day that there were all these popular cooking shows for adults but none that catered to young people. Ahhh, an underserved market. She has already raised over $30,000 to produce the first few episodes of the cooking show. She filmed it at the Canandaigua Wine & Culinary center in their classrooms and her DVD came complete with outtakes (or bloopers) from the filming!

There were several non-profit startups, as well. One young man purchases children’s sweaters, scarves, and hats made out of Alpaca wool and other natural materials from Peruvian women. He resells the items here and sends over 75% of the proceeds back to Peru.

There was a business that created an all natural cough and sore throat remedy that contained gum inside a throat lozenge (think of a Blow Pop but with medicinal qualities).

There was a girl who designed a cooling bra because her mom was always complaining how hot she got in her bra!

There were business ideas to get kids reading, to help parents screen video games, and even an exercise video series just for kids.

All of these great business ideas and some are already turning a profit!

So as I walked among these future entrepreneurs, it occurred to me that these potential start-ups have come about during a recession. None of these young people were talking about how tough it would be to start a business now. None of them complained that it would be impossible to get funding “nowadays”. They had an idea, saw the opportunity, and seized it.

How different that attitude is from many people as we plow through this sluggish economy.

As is the case with everything in life, your perception creates your reality. If you think now is the worst time to do something daring and different, that you would have to be crazy to change jobs or start a business – then you’re right. Or if you’re like these young people and you think that the right people, resources, and ideas will come to you when you need it – then you’re right.

It’s like Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.”

Your response will create your outcome 100% of the time. The beauty of experiencing an event like the YEA tradeshow is to see young people taking control of their lives and believing that they alone control their destiny – and trust me, some of these kids have it much worse than you or I.

I’d like to write more but I need to go online now and buy myself a lighted purse!

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR OWN NEWSLETTER OR BLOG? Just include this information with it: Nancy Roberts, behavioral analyst and co-creator of the “Boost Your Business by Overcoming Sales Call Reluctance” workshop, publishes the award-winning ‘Success iNsights’ weekly ezine with thousands of subscribers. If you’re ready to jump-start your business and make more money, sign up for your FREE subscription at http://www.insightspps.com.

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