A hidden key to success

A month ago when Chris and I were in Vegas, we met this couple at our training event.  They had just signed up to do work with the same coaches we work with so we were looking forward to getting to know another “entrepreneurial” couple.

We went out to dinner and fairly quickly formed a “couple crush” with these two.  They were smart, dynamic, clearly in love and we were excited about our mutual trip to Belize at the end of this year (part of our coaching package – believe it or not!).

Over the past week or so, I had been thinking about them and how I really needed touch base to catch up.  Ironically, the woman called me yesterday.

I was so happy to hear from her.  At first we chatted about business and the possibility of doing some work together.  But then the conversation turned more serious.  No, more real.

She started to share with me her concerns about her business, her coaching arrangement, and even her relationship.  As she revealed her deepest fears to me, which by the way – I identified with EVERY SINGLE ONE – I felt closer and closer to her.

When she had laid it all out on the table, she felt very vulnerable and said, “I’m usually the cool chick, the one that has it all together.”  I could tell she felt a little strange for exposing herself so completely.

It was then that I told her, “You know, I was impressed by you when we met in Vegas.  But now?  Now, I really like you!”

And this is the hidden key to success that most of us shy away from.  We are so busy trying to look like we have it all together that we never show people our underbelly.  And yet, it’s this kind of vulnerability that can be so attractive in another human being.

Think of it this way, when you go see someone speak and they are introduced, you hear their long list of degrees and then they get up and start listing all of their own accomplishments, what do you think of them?

They’ve definitely established their credibility but do you feel connected to them?  Do you resonate with them and want to hear more of their story?  Typically not.

But when someone gets up to speak, establishes their credibility and THEN shares with you where they’ve come from, their challenges, fears, setbacks – now how do you feel?  Usually when we can identify with someone like that we are much more open to what they have to say.

And this makes perfect sense.  When we start a relationship with someone – any kind of relationship – it can only grow to the level that both people are willing to be vulnerable and open.

Let’s say you meet someone and there is an instant connection.  After sharing some of the surface level information, you start to reveal a little more of your personal story.  What happens if they don’t share back?  SCREECH!!  The budding friendship comes to a halt.  Only by both parties sharing a little more, back and forth, does the friendship continue to grow.

(And yes, you can overshare – too much, too soon – which is also awkward!)

Yet many of us are so afraid to share our personal history – especially in business.  Here’s why this is a mistake.

Because people want to do business with people they know, like and trust.

And real trust can only be established when people are willing to share their vulnerabilities.

When I write this article every week, I can predict with alarming accuracy how many responses I will get from readers based solely on how much personal information I share.

An article about excellent customer service?  I might get a few responses.

The article about my mom with pictures from 10 years ago?  You blew up my Inbox!!

So too, the MORE you share your story – especially the challenges you have had to overcome – the more people will resonate and respond to you.

Where can you share your story?  Would love to hear your comments below!