The difference a mom makes!

Last year, I had the privilege of interviewing Seniors at an inner-city high school. This was considered an “exit interview” process and the intention was to find out a little about their high school experience, their future plans, as well as give them the experience of being interviewed.

Some of my questions received wildly different answers. For example, what are your plans after high school was answered with everything from working part-time at Target to attending nursing school to becoming a Child Psychologist.

Another question, who has your dream job was answered with everything from a kindergarten teacher to someone in the Peace Corps.

But there was question that when asked, every student answered the same (as an aside, it just happened that all my students were female). That question was, “Who has been the most influential person in your life?”

The answer was simply, “my mom.”

When I probed for the reasons why, I started to see the impact that mothers really have on their children. Not that I didn’t already know it. I just became impressed that these students, at age 17-18, already knew it!

    * “She works really hard and never complains.”
    * “My mom works two jobs and never shows us how tired she is.”
    * “She told me I could be anything I wanted to be.”
    * “My mom is a single-mother and does everything by herself.”
    * “When I wanted to quit school, she wouldn’t let me.”

On and on the comments went. One thing was clear, the fact that these inner-city girls were graduating high school (which by the way was how most of them answered the question “what are you most proud of?”) they attributed to the influence of one person more than any other…their mothers.

And yet, I hear mothers complain all the time about what a bad job they think they are doing. One of the most poignant moments in the “Sex and the City 2” movie is when Charlotte and Miranda, the two characters with children, finally confess how hard it is to be a mother these days.

Charlotte, the most traditional character who typically never allows herself to complain, confides that she feels like she is failing most of the time.

By what I could gather from these students, their mothers certainly weren’t perfect. Many had gotten pregnant as teenagers and one had four children by four different men. But the fact that they worked hard, didn’t complain or place blame and encouraged their daughters to be more and do more than they did were the three factors that came up over and over again.

My guess is that mothers are too hard on themselves. If they are working, they beat themselves up over not being with their kids. If they are with their kids, they worry that they should be doing more at work.

The result is that they are never truly “present” where they are so doing their best (or enjoying it even) is impossible. No wonder the feeling of failing is so prevalent.

It’s been said that the only time we suffer is when we aren’t present. We’re either torturing ourselves over something that went wrong in the past or worrying ourselves silly over what’s to come. As a gift to yourself this Mother’s Day, why not take some time for yourself and practice being present.

What’s your best advice on being present?  What do you do for yourself to “unplug”?  To share your own tips or experience, please comment below.